anxiety overload

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Once again, I notice the little ways my anxiety slips in making me more and more vulnerable everyday. "They're laughing at you, they hate you, they're just waiting for you to mess up" the voice says. It's the spotlight effect the belief that you are being noticed more than you really are. It's the others telling me to "chillax", "take a chill pill", "pop a xanny". Little do you realize that your words deteriorate me, and the damned ill-fated people who suffer the indistinguishable curse called mental illness. You may say curse? that's a bit dramatic but once you have it, it feels as if controls you, overtakes you as the voice in your head screams "this is all your fault". But it's not, it's not your fault it's society's messed up view on the world making you feel like nothing you ever do is right. They say mental illness isn't real but if it isn't real why are millions taking their lives, having panic attacks at three in the morning and drowning in their thoughts because they just can't take it anymore. "others have it worse you know?", "you aren't even trying" these are the people that irk me because no matter how hard they try they will never see the struggle within me. They think they know all about it but the truth is you never do until you experience it yourself. Society is so messed up you use our mental illnesses as jokes, as something that doesn't really matter and it's time to put a change to that. Don't let others words belittle you because you are a force to be reckoned with, someone that deserves respect and someone that will not put up with another's bullshit. It took me a while to realize this and to all my readers out there I hope you know that you deserve the best that life can give you because once you realize no one can take your confidence you realize that you get real joy and happiness out of your life.

- Anna

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